Well it is that time again, time to gear up for watching the Timbers play on the road. This time it is a little different as the Timbers are actually playing at a stadium they have scored at and got a point after going down an early goal. If Portland was going to get their first road win it could be at the Hut.
For this "What Portland Needs to do to win" I am going to do a theme for each of the groups. The theme is breaking curses, exorcising demons and general superstitions.
Defenders and Perkins need to Walk the Goat
After being told you are not good enough at some point you need to go out and walk the goat. Maybe the defenders need to kill it, skin it and then eat it to remove the cursed luck the back line has been having. The defenders seem to be over thinking it and trying too hard and not just reacting and playing it the way they know how to play.
Heck Troy Perkins might want to break out the voodoo dolls and threaten his defenders with enormous amounts of pain if they keep forcing him to try and bail them out.
Midfielders: Spell Casters
Here is a thought, maybe our midfielders should start casting spells instead of getting spells cast on them by the opposing team. Or just do this to break the curse:
This is a "heavy-duty" purification spell.
On the night after the full moon and just before bed, light 13 candles, preferably white. Fill the tub up with hot water (as hot as you can stand to sit in). Add 1 cup sea salt, 1 tablespoon sage, 1 tablespoon lavender and 1 tablespoon chamomile. Turn off the water and let the bath steep in the herbs. Kneel or sit in front of the tub, in the nude, and repeat this incantation:
What was done was done
Be it now undone
By the light of the full moon's wane
Cleanse my soul of taint and stain
Let now my hurtful spell reverse
And lift from me this vicious curse
As I enter now this sacred space
Return my spirit to it's grace
Enter the bath and let the water cleanse away the effects of the curse. Use your hands to gather up the water and pour it 3 times of your head. Each time you do, repeat:
Accept my apologies for what was done
Disperse my spell with the morning's sun
Remain in the bath until the water cools. Drain the tub and rinse off. Snuff the candles and go to sleep. By dawn the curse will be broken and you will once again find that feeling of "blessedness" that you lost.
I can just imagine Diego Chara and Captain Jack Jewsbury getting together and actually working as a pair on this. Maybe then their minds would be linked and telepathy would flow and they would actually work together on the field going forward. The outside mids then would get forward and actually pass the ball up the field rather than back and KAH will continue to hit those early crosses.
Forwards: Jobu is needed!
I can see the conversation going on as Kris Boyd breaks out Jobu and puts him in his locker:
Kris Boyd: The footballs, they are sick. They not hit the net. post and sometimes fan the hit very much. The net, footballs are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from footballs. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.
Darlington Nagbe: You know you might think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior instead of fooling around with all this stuff.
Kris Boyd: Jesus, I like him very much, but he no help with football in net
Darlington Nagbe: You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit the back of the net?
Steven Smith: Let's not start a holy war!
Of course later that day when it his warm up shots are not going in I can see Boyd again in front of Jobu:
I'm pissed off now, Jobu. Look, I go to you. I stick up for you. You don't help me now. I say "@#$! you," Jobu, I do it myself
I didn't know Boyd slipped into a Cuban accent by the way, it just comes out I guess. In any case the Forwards just need to get it in their heads to shoot and shoot it often, especially Nagbe. If they shoot chances are created, as Boyd showed against the Galaxy.
The real analysis is this: Score more than FC Dallas and Portland will win, at least I hope because Own Goals are a possibility. Great now I probably jinxed the game and will need to hop on 1 foot for 10 minutes all the chanting "What's done is done, be it now undone"
What are you going to do to break the curse? Maybe someone can go curse FC Dallas with some of these Curses.