FanPost

Don't jump - help is on the way

In the last few days, a few of our gloomier fans have been creatively leaping off the Rose City bandwagon. They've cited dozens of reasons for gloom. These include but are not limited to:

  • Persistent, uncalled fouling against Nagbe. As soon as Darlington makes a move past a defender, it's bang-foul-fall-and maybe whistle. The whole flow of the offense is interrupted, the defense recovers. The jumper then declares 'if the #$%& ref won't call it, we're doomed.'
  • Self destructive Centerbacks. At some critical moment our centerbacks - who otherwise play well - suffer from a massive attack of cranial flatulence, resulting in a foul in the box, and either a PK or a red card. See also Vancouver away, Columbus away, and San Jose away.
  • Can't defend the corner. Every set piece is a white knuckle ride. Eventually some opponent the size of the Jolly Green Giant is matched up on Chara or Nagbe and flies right into the path of a corner kick.
  • Malignant referees. There is too much source material here to quote. And, if we can't find it, aw heck, let's just troll over to mls.com and read any Seattle or San Hose thread and just copy & paste.

But I have great news: the real root cause comes complements of RCTIDnomatterwhat. The cause of all of our problems can be summed up in two words: Christian Miles. I'm not sure what causes the Timbers to play so poorly with Miles. Maybe it's his kind of shrill voice getting under Porter's skin. Maybe it's his overuse of 'enterprising.' Maybe calling Nagbe 'a hybrid' is a secret signal to foul Nagbe. Maybe it's the Chivas factor (my vote is here). Quick note to Miles if he's reading... saying 'that's better from the Timbers' simply because they've advanced from the middle third absolutely needs to go -- even if that is not the reason for the streak.

RCTIDn-m-w thinks it's just that the drone of his inane, homer, and ceaselessly blathering prattle lulls the Timbers into a zombified state. And his data is compelling.

  • Pre-Miles: 33 points.
  • Since Miles showed up, it's L-D-L at Columbus, Philly, and San Jose for 1 point.

Don't blame fouls, Centerbacks, set pieces, or refs. It's Miles. Maybe we can loan Miles out to a team in the Swedish 2nd division, still make the playoffs. Ooo... and this is important MP. Send Robbie Earle to RSL for the semi-finals instead. (edited - thx, jocked)

Alright guys, I don't believe I have to say this but, just in case, please do not submit anything racist, homophobic, sexist or otherwise not appropriate for even the younger Timbers fans.

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