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The Stumptown Footy Christmas Gift Exchange

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We love to get in the holiday spirit by giving gifts to all.

Steve Dykes-USA TODAY Sports

It has been two years since we last gave gifts to our beloved Timbers and we felt the time was right to do so again.

Kevin

A T2 captain's armband for Futty Danso.

A little trademarked 'Valeri Magic' for Gaston Fernandez

A left foot for Darlington Nagbe.

A saddle for Diego Chara. When Diego Valeri returns as a mechanical centaur he will be able to ride him into battle.

Will

Darlington Nagbe: New boots. He probably has a closet full of those left feet that we keep sending him, but it is time to admit that they are just not his thing. Instead, let's get Darlington a new pair of shooting boots. He clearly needs some new ones after wearing his old pair out in the 2013 season.

Nat Borchers: Moustache wax. He has the Portland beard all taken care of, but he needs a little bit more flair for his facial hair.

Rodney Wallace and Jorge Villafana: A tandem bicycle. With both players healthy late in the season, the Timbers left flank looked good. Real good. We want to keep these guys on the same wavelength and what better way is there to do that than a bicycle built for two?

Liam Ridgewell: A pirate flag. Get Ol' Ridgie and his beloved boat out on the high seas and let him loose in the Puget Sound to pillage the yachts of unsuspecting Sounders fans.

Caleb Porter: A new scarf. There is nothing wrong with the scarves the Caleb has now, but everyone knows that once that scarf collection starts growing, you get hooked.

Ryan

Maximiliano Urruti: A season supply of hair gel that doesn't drip when sweating.

Portland Timber Fans: A special device that turns current Timbers' television announcers into John Strong and Robbie Earl.

Liam Ridgewell: A fundoshi to wear beneath his kit and a make up artist for gamedays to do this.

Rodney Wallace: Compromising pictures of his national team coach. This way he can either get playing time or stop being called up to just ride the bench.

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Festivus, Happy Kwanza, Happy Hanukkah, and any others I am missing!

What would you give?