How Would You Persuade Joleon Lescott to Join the Portand Timbers?

Just as many were getting excited about the rumor that the Portland Timbers had made a sizable offer to Joleon Lescott, our own Will Conwell had to come along and rain on the parade. As Will points out at the end of his article, the Timbers aren't necessarily out of the running. They will however probably need to show Lescott something pretty good to get him to uproot his life in England, leave the Premier League, and come to Portland.

So if you were the Portland Timbers, what would you show or say to Lescott to convince him to make this move? Here are a few of my ideas:

Turn the volume up nice and loud and play him this video.

Be sure he know this is what the Timbers Army sounds like when their team has been knocked out of the playoffs. Since it seems like the support here really is appealing to players considering a move to the Timbers, I'd probably throw in a video of tetris or maybe a post-goal video with the North End in a haze of green smoke as well. And definitely some tifo pictures.

Invite him to town for a Portland brunch tour.

Foreign players know about New York and Los Angeles, and that seems to be where many of the bigger names want to play if they're going to make the move to MLS. Portland kind of flies under the radar; people don't realize what a great place this is. The truth is, we have a lot of good things going for us here. Chief among them is the food and it's a great thing to show off because unlike some other Portland highlights you don't have to be outdoorsy, a book-lover, or a hipster to appreciate it. (Though for all I know, Lescott is all of those things.) Everyone loves food and for me, some of the best food in Portland is what you get at brunch. There's nothing like a meal at someplace like Tasty n Sons or Pine State Biscuits to make me wonder why I would ever want to leave this city.

Give him a look at his likely center back partner.

Maybe don't show him much of Pa Modou Kah's recent defending, but come on, how could he resist this? Playing with this guy means having an endless supply of hugs, kisses, and head pats. And if he happens to be playing with Noberto Paparatto instead, he can count on free belly rubs.

These are a few of my ideas. What have you got? Share your suggestions in the comments.