Around the Forest: Soccer Culture and Nagbe in Hamilton

From the Wide World of Soccer:

The Grey Lady published a longform yesterday on the “The Dark Side of American Soccer Culture,” (aka is your soccer culture problematic?) bemoaning how it’s the worst combination of everything Europe has to offer, combined with American efficiency. [New York Times]

MLS Commish Don Garber then uses the finest language a well compensated crisis and strategic communications agency could drum up in short notice to denounce the article. [Seattle Times]

Taking a look at potential options to fill the current (and probably growing) coaching vacancies in MLS. [FourFourTwo]

The Whitecaps used Pokemon Go to announce their new signings of Marcel de Jong and David Edgar. So #millenial, so #brand. [Newstalk]

MLS is hosting a workshop IFAB will be using to train assistant video referees. I’m sure it’s going to take countless, tastefully crafted powerpoint presentations to learn how to say “Hey, you made the wrong call, it should be X” into a radio mic while sitting in front of a TV. [MLS]

Speaking of tastefully crafted powerpoint presentations for video replay, you can view a preview of them here. [FIFA]

“Ronaldo's Performance During Euro Final Was Like Christ's Victory Over Sin And Death, Says His Sister.” I like when I don’t have to write anything. [Deadspin]

Right in Stumptown:

Four Thorns have been named to the USWNT roster for Rio. [ThornsFC.com]

Borchers and Zemanski talk about tonight’s game against the Impact. [Timbers.com]

A group of fans are writing a ... parody? Sure, we’ll call it a parody - of the hit Broadway show Hamilton, except it’s about the analogous rise of Darlington Nagbe. Secretary of Treasury is just like outstanding midfield production. Potato/Potatoh. If Jurgen Klinsmann isn’t Aaron Burr, we’re really missing out on an opportunity. Listen to the first song below: