It’s a Portland Timbers Halloween

Fans of the Portland Timbers have already had plenty of scares this fall as the end of the season devolved into a Rob Zombie-esque horrorshow, so there are few costumes that could strike fear into our hearts this halloween.

Still, as the Little Timbers go door to door today, asking, “trick or treat”, one cannot help but think of just what kind of costumes might be fitting for the Timbers themselves. Whether we are talking about classic horror monsters, pop culture references, or those weird, off-brand get-ups that you might find when looking for a last minute costume (“Oh, Beetlejuice. No, wait, Juice Demon?”), what costumes should the Timbers be wearing this evening?

Here are a few quick thoughts for the Timbers’ Halloween costumes. Feel free to share yours in the comments below.

Tormund Giantsbane - Nat Borchers

We are not breaking any ground here as people have been making comparisons between Borchers’ beard and that of George R. R. Martin’s Wildling leader for ages, but when you are presented with a gimmie like this you have to take it.

Dr. Frankenstein, Igor, and Frankenstein’s Monster - Caleb Porter, Gavin Wilkinson, and Merritt Paulson

This group costume works well for the Timbers front office with Porter assembling the team, Wilkinson bringing him the pieces, and Paulson occasionally showing up on twitter to get the townsfolk all worked up. Of course, there are plenty of other possibilities for the monster: Steven Taylor’s square head makes him a particularly strong contender for the role.

The Invisible Man - Lucas Melano

It seemed incredible at first, but once he disappeared nobody really liked what he got up to.

Wolverine - Diego Valeri

Not X-Men Wolverine, but Logan Wolverine: a little bit older, a little bit more beaten up, but still everyone’s favorite and still capable of kicking some significant butt.

The Wolf Man - Darren Mattocks

When he is fit and in-form, Mattocks savages his opponents, downright embarrassing them in brutal fashion (poor Keegan Rosenberry may never be the same). But when he is carrying a knock or in a rut he is just another in the Timbers’ long line of attempts at scrounging up some width in 2016.